Poison Tears
by Phobiakat
Summary: Severus Snape always prided himself on the fact that he had an.. iron will if you would call it. He almost never cried...But that does not mean he didn't cry. Oh he has cried. Much more than he would be willing to admit. The thing is though, that the tears he has let slip, all have one thing in common. A certain person; a certain girl; a certain Lily. His, Lily.


**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter. **

Severus Snape always prided himself on the fact that he had an.. iron will if you would call it. He almost never cried. He didn't cry as a child when Tobias Snape would smack him into the wall, nor when his mother could barely stand to look at him. He didn't shed a tear for those around him, friend or enemy. He didn't even get moisture in his eyes from the pain of the Dark Lords cruciatus curse.

But that does not mean he didn't cry. Oh he has cried. Much more than he would be willing to admit. The thing is though, that the tears he has let slip, all have one thing in common. A certain person; a certain girl; a certain Lily. His, Lily.

The first time Severus cried was when one day while at the neighborhood park he was sitting on the swings, avoiding going home, when a girl sat down on the swing next to him. She had long brilliant red hair and the brightest green eyes he had ever seen. Her heart shaped face that was still rounded with baby fat, was sprinkled with tiny freckles and a an impish smile exposed her white teeth that would have been perfect, were it not for the fact that she was missing her top left canine.

She introduced herself as Lily, Lily Evans. And he confusedly muttered out his name, blushing the entire time. That day he had made a friend. His first friend. And when that realization struck him on his way home that evening, he laughed and smiled more than he had ever done, all the while tears washed down his pale and red blotched face.

The next time he cried for her was supposed to be one of his happiest days. He and Lily were finally at Hogwarts. The train ride had been fun; filled with them making up stories of the adventures they could on. Though it was interrupted by Potter and his lackeys.

But that day was supposed to be something that made their friendship even stronger. But he was put in Slytherin, and he in Gryffindor. Rival houses and near impossible house mates. The thought of not seeing her, and them drifting scared the 11 year old snake to death. So while his roommates slept, he cried in his bed, and prayed that everything would be alright.

Sadly his prayers weren't answered. He cried for her again a couple of years later. James Potter and that horrid Sirius Black were being a pain and Severus got his pride wounded. He was publicly humiliated and then Lily had to intervene. He knew that she was trying to help, and he knew she did it because she cared. But for some reason he couldn't stop the harsh words from slipping out of his defense built mind.

"Mudblood"

Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood.

How stupid could he get?! Once the foul word left his slightly chapped lips he instantly regretted it. Oh how he hated himself, loathed his entire being at that moment and every moment after. He wanted to die, for when he looked up at Lily, his eyes wide with fright and shock, he saw tears trekking down her sweet face. And that face that once was kind to him, now held betrayal and fury when meeting his own obsidian orbs. After being hexed by James Potter he locked himself in a stall in the boys laboratory and cried. Cried for the snapped friendship that was crumbling in his calloused hands and cried for the wanting of his demise.

After that day Severus went pretty numb. Given every now and then his eyes would prick up with moisture but he never let the tears fall. Not when his mother finally died. Not when he committed his first murder as a Death Eater. Nothing fazed him anymore.

Or so it seemed. One day though, if you were to enter the house hold of Spinner's End, residency of one Severus Snape, you would find the kitchen almost completely destroyed. Glass broken, shelves hanging sideways, plates fractured and a table up turned. On the floor in the corner you would find a disheveled black hair man, sobbing in anguish as blood from his lips and wrists smears on his face and clothes. His long pale fingers ripping and tearing a postal that had once said "You are invited to the wedding of Lily Evans and James Potter..."

Severus did not attend the wedding. For a week before the reception, he cried again. His cat, Mittens, was run over by a muggle auto-mobile and was injured bad enough that the only humane thing to do was to put the poor thing down. The small black kitten with apple green eyes and white spots, was the last birthday present he had gotten from his Lily and was his sole comfort in hard times. He never forgot how happy he had been when Lily thrust the small mewing fur ball into his hands and how she would torture the poor thing by putting it in little jumpers, booties, and hats. All of which were burned not 20 minutes after Snape buried the little body in the backyard garden.

The poor man. He honestly didn't think things could any worse. Not after news of the Potter brat being born. But as proved in the past, the heavens truly hated him.

He didn't want to believe it. The Dark Lord was supposed to spare Lily. Dumbledor was supposed to protect her! The child lived. The wretched Boy-Who-Lived. But what about the boys mother? What about his Lily? What about his love who died? Severus didn't know what to do with himself. For days, for weeks he did nothing but lay on the floor of his room, with the occasional blank tears running down his sallow face. He didn't even go to the funeral, knowing that he would be able to face her. Not after being the one to find her.

Finding her laying sprawled out on the floor of a nursery, her silky red hair splayed across her and the floor looking too much like a pool of blood, and her once bright eyes dull and lifeless staring at him and nothing. His anguished cries falling on deaf ears as he held her close to him, feeling her cold flesh stinging his skin.

When time finally was up, he put her down and took notice to the crying child in the crib. Only to freeze and cry out again when he looked into the tear streaked eyes of Lily Evans.

10 years later he was again enraged by the stupidity of Albus Dumbledor. He honestly could see no logic in keeping the Mirror of Erised in a school. You couldn't trust students not to look for trouble. And he couldn't trust himself. He always seemed to wonder back to the mirror, drawing more tears and sobs from his abuse eyes and soul. Every time he looked into that evil glass, he would drop to his knees at the sight of a smiling Lily beside him, and the figure of a small boy with green eyes and black hair looking back at him, as a son would a father.

Now he cries for his Lily one last time as he feels the venom of the Dark Lords beast Nagini running its way through his veins, killing him with only minutes to go. He tells the Potter boy to take his tears, his memories. To mitigate him, if only for a second. The boy tries to look away.

"No, look at me." He says through the pain. The tired man relaxes some when he is reunited with the green eyes of the one he held so dear. Yes. That is what he wants.

"You have your mothers eyes." He tells the boy he could never hate. As he feels deaths cold fingers grip him he hears a familiar beautiful soprano laugh of a girl he used to know.

_"Come on Sev, I've missed you so much."_

_"Lily."_

**Fin**.


End file.
